Search me, O God, and know my heart!  Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!  [Psalm 139:23-24]

“Tom’s killing me,”

Ben had called Henry and asked if they could get together. Henry was the guy. Ben didn’t quite know what to call him. He was like a pastor, but that wasn’t his job, like in a church. He led the weekly gatherings and really seemed to care. He was his dad’s age but seemed to have the time to hang out.

“What’s going on?”

“It’s that phone. He’s an addict. It’s like he’s distracted, anxious all the time. Like he’s not all the way there. Then his phone goes off and he’s got to reach for it. He knows the rule. I tell ‘em all the time. ‘No phones when we meet.’ But he’s not dialing in.”

“This is really bothering you isn’t it.”

“It really is. It pisses me off.”

“Kind of triggered, aren’t you?”

Ben paused.  He felt a tinge of shame. Then recognition.

It was only a year ago he used to be like Tom. That was rough. Man, was he thankful for his dad and mom for helping him set boundaries. Then they called Henry. He appreciated Henry’s gentleness. His grace. It was like he knew the struggle, the bondage. He’s glad he took Henry’s advice and got rid of his smart phone for a dumb phone. Texting was a little awkward, but, boy, did he feel free.

“Remember Psalm 139? God knows.”

Psalm 139:1 was one of Ben’s go-to verses.

O Lord, you have searched me and known me.

Psalm 139 expresses one of the most important truths about God. He knows us. He knows everything about us. It also expresses one of the most important truths about people.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.  [Psalm 139:14]

“Never forget,” Henry shared, “God created us to be like him in all his love, his goodness, his power. Just because we’re broken doesn’t mean he throws us out. Remember: Jesus came to fix us. That’s why he went to the cross. He’s fixing you, isn’t he?”

Ben thought a minute. He remembered how he used to blow up when he felt his mom getting in his way, his hiding, his lying.

“Yeah, he really is.”

“You think he’s at work fixing Tom?”

“If he could fix me, he can fix anybody.”

“What does the Lord want you to do?”

“I don’t know.”

“Pray about it. Ask him what he wants you to do. As you pray, imagine what Jesus would do. What would Jesus say to Tom and how would he say it? I’m thinking Jesus might just want to talk to Tom through you.”

“All right,” Ben told Henry. “I’ll pray about it.”

“Let’s pray right now.”

After a simple prayer Henry looked Ben in the eye, “You got this. Let me know how it goes.”

Ben laid in bed that night thinking about Tom and his phone. Ben got it. He knew being a follower of Jesus was to be available to be used by him. He liked getting to know Adam. Adam seemed hungry, excited, motivated. It was a thrill to get that text from him telling him that Jesus spoke to him. It was like Jesus was right in the middle of it. It was exciting.

This thing with Tom was different. It was hard. Jesus didn’t feel nearly as close, but he knew Jesus was at work. Why did it have to be so hard?

“It was hard for me, too.” Ben stopped. Images of Jesus carrying his cross, getting nailed, dying filled his heart.  “I’ll be with you.”